QUIZLET: Do you Experience Sexual Attraction?

(Image source)

This short quiz is designed to help you identify whether or not you experience sexual attraction (one of many forms of attraction). Obviously this experience will vary wildly from individual to individual so if you feel as though this quiz doesn’t represent you for whatever reason, please comment and let me know so I can improve it. 🙂
This is a tool only and does not have the final say on your orientation or identity – only you can decide that!
And of course, you don’t have to accept any labels if they don’t work for you. The labels are for description only and you do not have to try to conform to them!

On to the quiz:

Section A

  1. Do you ever look at someone and feel tingly or hot in your abdomen or groin?
  2. Do you ever see someone and think hurrghbfdsjkls?
  3. Do you ever look at someone and feel your face go slack and/or your pulse and breathing rates increase?
  4. Do you ever look at someone and feel like you want to have sex with them?
  5. Have you ever been able to get turned on just thinking about someone (no scenario or fantasy – just the person)?

Section B

  1. Do you feel any of the Section A responses only after you have gotten to know someone very well?
  2. Do you feel as though you might experience some of the Section A responses, but only slightly?
  3. Do you ever experience Section A feelings, but have them fade rapidly if they are reciprocated?
  4. Do you ever find that you experience Section A responses to things that are not related to a person (but rather related to a scenario, concept, or object)?
  5. Do you feel as though you only experience the Section A responses extremely rarely?
  6. Do you feel as though your ability to experience Section A responses varies wildly and randomly over time?

Results:

Yes to anything in Section A = It is likely that you experience some form of sexual attraction. You are likely to be allosexual/zedsexual or greysexual.
Recommended next identity quiz: What is my sexual orientation?

Yes to anything in section B = It is likely that you experience some form of sexual attraction but it is limited or under strict conditions. You are likely to be on the greysexual spectrum (a category of asexuality)

Recommended next identity quiz: Where am I on the asexual spectrum? (Coming soon!)

No to everything = It is likely that you do not experience sexual attraction. You are likely to be asexual.

Recommended next identity quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)

What was your quiz result? Did you learn something new about yourself?
What did you think of this quiz? Was it helpful, or was there some room for improvement?
Please leave your thoughts in the comments below!

QUIZLET: What is your Sexual Orientation?

It is recommended that you do this other quiz first to understand what is meant here by sexual attraction and to determine whether or not you experience sexual attraction (as there are many forms of attraction).
Note that I have included androsexual, gynosexual and skoliosexual in this quiz to remove the dependance of sexual orientation on your gender identity. These terms can be helpful for non-binary or transgender individuals, but you do not have to be non-binary or transgender to identify with them!
Also note that there is overlap between some of the terms in this quiz and it is okay to identify with more than one (for example, you could identify as homosexual and androsexual if you are a male).
Once again, this quiz is a tool only and does not have the final say on your orientation or identity – only you can decide that!

Let’s begin!

  1. Do you experience sexual attraction?
    If NO, you could be asexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)
    If YES or SOMETIMES, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction exclusively to people of the same gender as you?
    If YES, you could be homosexual or grey-homosexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)
    If YES or NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction exclusively to people of a gender other than what you identify as?
    If YES, you could be heterosexual or grey-heterosexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)

    If YES or NO, continue.

  1. Do you experience sexual attraction exclusively towards males or people who present as masculine?
    If YES, you could be androsexual or grey-androsexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)
    If NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction exclusively towards females or people who present as feminine?
    If YES, you could be gynosexual or grey-gynosexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)
    If NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction exclusively towards non-binary individuals or people who present as androgynous?
    If YES, you could be skoliosexual or grey-skoliosexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Do I experience romantic attraction? (Coming soon!)
    If NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction to people of more than one gender?
    If YES, you could be bisexual/pansexual/polysexual or grey-bisexual/pansexual/polysexual. Next recommended quiz: Am I bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual? (Coming soon!)
    If YES or NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction to people independent of their gender?
    If YES, you could be bisexual/pansexual/polysexual or grey-bisexual/pansexual/polysexual. Next recommended quiz: Am I bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual? (Coming soon!)
    If YES or NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction primarily towards people of one gender, but occasionally towards people of another/other gender/s?
    If YES, you could be bisexual/pansexual/polysexual or grey-bisexual/pansexual/polysexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Am I bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual? (Coming soon!)
    If NO, continue.
  1. Do you experience sexual attraction towards people of one gender and people of another/other gender/s in roughly equal amounts?
    If YES, you could be bisexual/pansexual/polysexual or grey-bisexual/pansexual/polysexual.
    Next recommended quiz: Am I bisexual, pansexual, or polysexual? (Coming soon!)

What did you think of this quiz? What is your sexual orientation and was this quiz accurate for you? I welcome any and all comments and suggestions!

more labels to toss around the room

Today I’m marching on to a topic that is becoming more and more acceptable to discuss publicly as it is explored in the media more and more frequently – sexuality, or sexual orientation.

I count myself as one of the few fortunate enough to have grown up in a time and place where no one has ever tried to teach me that sexual orientation is something that you can get right or wrong. That is not to say that I haven’t seen people being treated unfairly because of their sexual orientation, but I am full of hope that it is possible for members of the younger generations to get all the way to adulthood without being taught any prejudice, anger or fear for people based on this.

As a kid, I didn’t really think about relationships or marriage much – people try to avoid teaching you that stuff until you’re a bit older, so I just figured it was one of those adult things that would happen eventually. All the adults that I knew were either male/female married couples, or they were single (divorced, widowed or simply never married). So the only thing I really thought was that you either choose to get married, or choose to not get married. I was dead set on being a hermit on a mountain somewhere, so it seemed like an obvious choice for me!

No, not this kind of hermit! It would be pretty cool though.

As I got older, they started to teach me a bit more, and I came across the concept of homosexuality. It was interesting, but otherwise uneventful. I just kind of thought: “Oh, okay. I didn’t know that was a thing. I wonder why I don’t know anyone like that. I guess it’s just really uncommon.” Though I still held onto my dreams of being a hermit, I thought to myself that if I did end up getting married, it would probably be to a guy because then we could both climb trees and play video games together. I really didn’t want to think about spending all my time shopping and talking about fake tans. (Obviously there were no gender stereotypes in kid-me’s head at all.)

Clearly every woman is like this.

When I was about 15, I took a Health class as a more interesting alternative to Economics (which was driving me insane). It was definitely interesting. We had an all female class (the only guy dropped out after the first week… go figure) and I learnt a lot more about sex than I ever really needed or wanted to know. But I was introduced to the term, bisexuality, and that was quite an interesting thing for me to get my head around. I don’t know if I’m strange in this or not (I know I’m strange in a lot of other ways) but at 15, I had never really thought about sex in the slightest (possibly not helped by the fact that I was so conflicted with my gender identity).  I’d had a couple of boyfriends, sure, but they really were just that to me. Friends that were boys, that you got to hug, and hold hands with, and talk about everything with. Sex was something gross and weird and adult and I wasn’t ready to stop being a kid, ever.

So my then-current understanding of relationships was that there were three options:

1) You’re heterosexual and you get married to someone of the opposite gender

2) You’re homosexual and you get a Civil Union with someone of the same gender

3) You don’t marry, move to the mountains and grow a long beard

Option 4) Seduce Peter Pan.

There really wasn’t room in my understanding for bisexuality, because you couldn’t get married to two people. Around about this time, my best friend opened up about being bisexual. I didn’t really know what to think about that. I remember bringing it up with an adult who told me that people our age were often confused about what they wanted, and liked to experiment and try new things to figure it out. I knew that I didn’t have a clue what I wanted really, except for some good, close friends, but she had been very confident and relaxed about her sexual identity – like it was just another fact about her. She could have been talking about her hair colour. (Now, of course, I appreciate that that’s exactly what your sexual orientation is – a fact about you, and not a definition of you.)

medusa

Although for Medusa, her hair -kinda- does define her.

Then, I got a boyfriend (who I’m still with today). Unfortunately, around this time my best friend and I had a falling out and stopped speaking to each other. I doubt I’ll ever know what that was about – whether she was hurt that I wouldn’t be able to hang out with her as much, or if it was something more than that – but I realised that losing her felt exactly the same to me as losing boyfriends I’d had in the past. I’d enjoyed her company, admired her talents, loved getting to know her, and I kind of thought, what’s the difference between that and what I had with boyfirends?

From what I knew, the main difference between a close friendship, and a sexual relationship was the sexual part – the intimacy and the sexual attraction. The trouble was, the sexual part was the bit I felt I didn’t get the instructions for. I was capable of being attracted to people, but not really for their bodies. I didn’t really look at people and think, wow, they look hot. I could appreciate the difference between looking nice and looking ugly (which I actually feel bad for thinking. I hate judging people based on how they look), but I wasn’t really attracted to people based on this alone. It took me a while, but eventually I realised that it was people’s personalities, actions and motivations that spoke loudest to me. What I was attracted to was who people were, how they saw and interacted with life, and how they treated me. And with that understanding came the realisation that I really didn’t care whether they had boobs or a beard, because that wasn’t the part that mattered to me.

What mattered was whether or not they had a cat.

Since then I have learnt that there are a whole range of other sexual identites out there. There are multiple labels that could apply to me but I would probably say that bisexual or pansexual fits best. But the label itself is mostly academic as I am happy with my boyfriend.

I find myself reluctant to discuss my sexuality because it’s so easy to just let people assume I am straight because I have a boyfriend. I feel as though there would be no benefit to coming out as bi- or pan-sexual and risk being alienated by both my straight and gay friends. That being said, I don’t really try to hide my attractions towards girls (or my mix-and-matched gender identity), I just don’t put a label on it and nobody asks any questions. I’m pretty sure that some of my family and friends know or have guessed that I’m not your regular het girl, but they seem content to stay quiet and not throw labels around. The one or two people I have told have been very accepting, but often seem desperate to divert the conversation elsewhere. And I’m okay with that, because it really is just one more fact about me, and it doesn’t define me. It’s just a personal preference.

Thanks for reading and be sure to let me know if you have any thoughts or opinions on this topic.

Q

silentlyqueer: Who am I and why am I here?

Well to begin, my name is Q, and I’m a white 20-something year old just trying to make my way through life. In a lot of ways I’m pretty content. I have a great family, a great education, and I live in a peaceful little paradise at the bottom of the world.  So what could I possibly have to blog about?

Well if you’ve been lured here by the title of my blog, you might have some clue. Yes, on the outside I’m incredibly privileged (and extremely grateful for everything life has just handed to me!), but on the inside I’m a little bit different in a number of ways.

For starters, I was raised to not ask for things and to make the most of everything that I had. Yes, I was one of those kids who used the pencil right down to the last few centimetres, and kept a treasure trove of tiny pieces of eraser that my friends couldn’t be bothered with anymore. I never throw out paper if there is still a side that can be written or drawn on, and I take great pride in appreciating and caring for everything I own. I learnt from a very young age that I really didn’t need the latest gadget, or toy to be happy. In fact, I never had to worry about losing or breaking toys I didn’t have and I saw this as a huge plus! The only thing I really wanted was a gameboy color and a pokemon game when they came out. But of course, I couldn’t ask for this. So I saved. At $2 pocket money a week, I saved up for over a year to get that gameboy. I still have it today.

But this is all a digression. The point I’m trying to make is that I don’t tend to really talk about the things I want in my life. I’m extremely introverted when it comes to my personal opinions and feelings, and in social situations I tend to focus on other people’s lives and problems. But there are things I’ve wanted through my life that are pretty unconventional. That I haven’t told people about. Hence the ‘silent’ part of my blog title. (Yes, its an ironic title. I am breaking my silence simply by having this blog!)

So really, the aim of this blog is simply to share my story. A perspective on a slightly unusual life that otherwise wouldn’t have been heard. Why am I doing this publicly? Because I know from first-hand experience (by living life!) that things can be tough and stressful in general, and we (as people) tend to get through the rough patches by talking to each other. But there are some things that are very hard for people to talk about. And if you feel you can’t talk about something, it can make everything seem so much harder. I want to show anyone out there who is a little like me (or not like me at all) that you can be happy, that you can be an amazing person, that things can work out, even if you’re a little (or a lot) different. I have learnt a lot through growing up silently queer – beautiful things and horrible things. I’d like to share some of these things with anyone that they could help.

So, in summary:

  • I’m a bit odd and I’d like to share my story with you
  • The purpose of this is to help others to understand and figure things out in their lives, so don’t hesitate to contact me if you’d like to chat about something I’ve brought up.

Specific topics that I’d like to cover include:

  • sexuality
  • gender identity
  • perceptions, assumptions and labelling people
  • different forms of intelligence
  • mental health and mental illness
  • physical illness and death
  • substance use and abuse
  • different kinds of relationships
  • sprituality and a higher purpose
  • general happiness and wellbeing

And that’s the end of my first post!

Q